remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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