goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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