bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
