fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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