take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
