Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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