I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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