I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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