It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
