Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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