dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
