Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
