True but thats because hes a fetus.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
