I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
