the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
