my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My ass is underappreciated
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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