When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
