Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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