I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
