he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
