The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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