i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
