I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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