No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
