she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
