So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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