I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
