i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize