I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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