I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
