Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
