everyone is single if you try hard enough
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
