Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
