Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
