she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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