Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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