So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
