AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize