Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
