I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
