Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize