My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We were destined to go to rehab together
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
