I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You took a bar mat shot.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
