i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
