Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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