If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
