I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
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