there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
