My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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