We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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