I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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