I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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