with your own penis?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
