he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
