Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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