Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
