There was a lot of him and a little penis
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
