I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
