i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
