umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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