I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Randomize
